Do it.
Don't get all nihilistic, but don't get too comfortable either.
Think about how you matter, and how you want to matter.
Think about whether you actually give a damn about "humanity"
Or if you're just here to self-indulge
Don't tell me to relax, and don't speak of the unity and balance that don't exist
"Balance" is just another way of saying "Sure I'll help whatever cause, but let me keep my wealth"
You're perpetuating the very problems that you merely simulate change for in controlled classroom settings.
Wanna really make the world a better place? Start considering how you're making the world the mess it is now.
You are the conflict.
Work it out.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Week 2
Monday: I don't even remember that day! But it likely involved an unsatisfied craving for AYCE sushi, a strawberry-kiwi slushie bubbletea to compensate, and a shitty game of street-fighter to offset it again...
Tuesday involved enduring an entire international law lecture. Baby steps, Annie; 9 more to go...
Met up with Uncle Ou on Wednesday, whom I hadn't seen in perhaps years, and listened as he rambled his buddhist thoughts. It was difficult getting across a critical point that utopian agendas tend to fail because it can't accommodate practical living. The conversation was in part due to the hostile argument, over the phone, between my divorced parents about money; make-believe value that makes the world go 'round, and stops it at random.
Maki Maki with Matt on Thursday, Thai Express with Chris on Friday, ChiuChow Man with mom & company on Saturday, and Coopers'wings with another Matt on this day of rest (and rest I did).
Somewhere in there was an excruciatingly annoying text conversation with a pseudo-friend who proved himself to be, yet again, a huge imbecile with pie in the sky notions of love and couch-potato efforts.
Mmm, so many food references.
That's all there is to say; this entry is just to jolt my memory of recent activities. It sucks when people ask me how my day/week/weekend/whatever was and for the life of me, I can't recall a damn thing.
Tuesday involved enduring an entire international law lecture. Baby steps, Annie; 9 more to go...
Met up with Uncle Ou on Wednesday, whom I hadn't seen in perhaps years, and listened as he rambled his buddhist thoughts. It was difficult getting across a critical point that utopian agendas tend to fail because it can't accommodate practical living. The conversation was in part due to the hostile argument, over the phone, between my divorced parents about money; make-believe value that makes the world go 'round, and stops it at random.
Maki Maki with Matt on Thursday, Thai Express with Chris on Friday, ChiuChow Man with mom & company on Saturday, and Coopers'wings with another Matt on this day of rest (and rest I did).
Somewhere in there was an excruciatingly annoying text conversation with a pseudo-friend who proved himself to be, yet again, a huge imbecile with pie in the sky notions of love and couch-potato efforts.
Mmm, so many food references.
That's all there is to say; this entry is just to jolt my memory of recent activities. It sucks when people ask me how my day/week/weekend/whatever was and for the life of me, I can't recall a damn thing.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
new beginnings and nylon stockings
Iiiit's Sunday! G'bye first week of school.
What I've done:
Actually attended my classes- That's a big one, guys. Of course, it helps that all of my classes for the week didn't include an International Law lecture. I absolutely loathe the professor for that course, though am grateful to not have failed the first test issued (especially considering I had only attended 2-3 classes and studied the night before). Second, a new bore for the winter semester would be SOC350- Quantitative Analysis, the only course chosen purely for sake of boosting my GPA (because who gives a fuck about frequency distribution?). Third, I bought $500 worth of textbooks with full intention on returning them after taking shots of the needed pages. Mmm, thrifty. There are a lot of needed pages though, which means a lot of fucking reading.
Gone to a wedding - That was a late Wednesday night. The groom was once my pseudo boyfriend, approved by both families! But I had skipped out on too many dates, and now he's permanently taken by a mail-order bride. What luck. At least there was free wine...
AYCE Sushi - The perfect thing to wake up for on a Thursday afternoon. Christian introduced to me Wasabi, a new sushi buffet located by AMC. Possibly the best buffet I've been to! Thanks, Christian!
Saw Kerris afterwards. Yes, female interaction, yes! God knows I've been lacking. Anyway, we went to visit house-bound Matt with Gabriel and talked about all sorts of nothings & somethings. It was very chill. And somewhat relevant to Kerris' suggestion that I be a dominatrix:
Sup?
Paid Photoshoot- 20% of the photos had me in it, but the client (as shown above) was actually payng me to take pictures, not to model. Questionable content aside, it was a fun time, and I was much more comfortable than I'd thought I'd be. Two hours and easiest $160 ever made (for a poor uni student like me at least). What a way to cap off the week!
What I've done:
Actually attended my classes- That's a big one, guys. Of course, it helps that all of my classes for the week didn't include an International Law lecture. I absolutely loathe the professor for that course, though am grateful to not have failed the first test issued (especially considering I had only attended 2-3 classes and studied the night before). Second, a new bore for the winter semester would be SOC350- Quantitative Analysis, the only course chosen purely for sake of boosting my GPA (because who gives a fuck about frequency distribution?). Third, I bought $500 worth of textbooks with full intention on returning them after taking shots of the needed pages. Mmm, thrifty. There are a lot of needed pages though, which means a lot of fucking reading.
Gone to a wedding - That was a late Wednesday night. The groom was once my pseudo boyfriend, approved by both families! But I had skipped out on too many dates, and now he's permanently taken by a mail-order bride. What luck. At least there was free wine...
AYCE Sushi - The perfect thing to wake up for on a Thursday afternoon. Christian introduced to me Wasabi, a new sushi buffet located by AMC. Possibly the best buffet I've been to! Thanks, Christian!
Saw Kerris afterwards. Yes, female interaction, yes! God knows I've been lacking. Anyway, we went to visit house-bound Matt with Gabriel and talked about all sorts of nothings & somethings. It was very chill. And somewhat relevant to Kerris' suggestion that I be a dominatrix:
Sup?
Paid Photoshoot- 20% of the photos had me in it, but the client (as shown above) was actually payng me to take pictures, not to model. Questionable content aside, it was a fun time, and I was much more comfortable than I'd thought I'd be. Two hours and easiest $160 ever made (for a poor uni student like me at least). What a way to cap off the week!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
on death and dying
I haven't given in to Twitter-mania, but this is a good RT: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/fashion/03love.html
Later, another child approached Judah and asked in a worried voice, “Your daddy died?”
Judah nodded.
“Does that mean he’s not coming back?”
Judah put his hand on the other child’s shoulder. “Yes, but it’s O.K.,” he said. “I’m alive. You’re alive. Want to play?”
- ending excerpt (yes, spoiler. read the article anyway)
Later, another child approached Judah and asked in a worried voice, “Your daddy died?”
Judah nodded.
“Does that mean he’s not coming back?”
Judah put his hand on the other child’s shoulder. “Yes, but it’s O.K.,” he said. “I’m alive. You’re alive. Want to play?”
- ending excerpt (yes, spoiler. read the article anyway)
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010
In addition to my friend's car accident and subsequent freak out(and thus my last entry), the last few days also included lighter moments: late-night trips downtown, boisterous sing-alongs in a $500 death car, koosh-pretzels-and-major-DDR-fail, banters about a crush to the last person I'd expect to hear me out, a funeral wake on New Year's Eve that was more like a potluck party (in black attire), and today: the new year, and Grace's birthday. Such double occasion comes with it a large plateful of Italian crispellas (squisito, miei amichi!), bowls of vegetarian salad heaven (cue angel bells), deliciously light noodles (that won't make me shit my pants with carbs and grease...yum!), and a beautifully customized chocolate cake (that definitely won't be finished, which means my mom will be selling the leftovers at work to her quasi-ghetto customers...discounts!).
And that's how things've been-a-rollin'.
Next up: productivity! And uh, less exciting times. Institutionalized learning is quite the challenge. Some resolutions have come to mind for this year/academic semester, but they won't be written down. There is no point. Great things will happen or they won't. If they don't, no surprise there. If they do, well fuckin' A- how about that?
Time will tell.
And that's how things've been-a-rollin'.
Next up: productivity! And uh, less exciting times. Institutionalized learning is quite the challenge. Some resolutions have come to mind for this year/academic semester, but they won't be written down. There is no point. Great things will happen or they won't. If they don't, no surprise there. If they do, well fuckin' A- how about that?
Time will tell.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
scrapping of metal and breaking of glass
Still reeling in the after effects of a poor decision.
Every test gets harder.
Every test gets harder.
Friday, December 25, 2009
yappy holidays
Dec. 23rd: spent most of it folding paper stars with a friend of mine. It was damn tedious, but inspired the best, the most honest conversation we've ever had. The lamest activities sure can create the greatest breakthroughs :p
Dec. 24th: Mother hosted a Christmas party, inviting some of her closest associates and their kids. We ate Mongolian hotpot, talked about school (really now, no Asian gathering lacks this part), played Scrabble (the only board game I own *sniff*), made more paper stars ('cause it takes forever to make enough to fill a jar, 'kay?), and finally got around to watching Battle Royale, which had been collecting dust on my DVD shelf (for shame! it was a good movie too).
Dec. 25th (early): experimenting with the tiny, but oh so useful remote control Matt got me for my XSi. Now to learn to hide that thing in shots...
hurrdurr, alkeehol and granny sweaters <-- more of that to come later this evening at Nina's (mother's Italian boyfriend's mother's cousin...wrap your head around that) 8-)
Dec. 24th: Mother hosted a Christmas party, inviting some of her closest associates and their kids. We ate Mongolian hotpot, talked about school (really now, no Asian gathering lacks this part), played Scrabble (the only board game I own *sniff*), made more paper stars ('cause it takes forever to make enough to fill a jar, 'kay?), and finally got around to watching Battle Royale, which had been collecting dust on my DVD shelf (for shame! it was a good movie too).
Dec. 25th (early): experimenting with the tiny, but oh so useful remote control Matt got me for my XSi. Now to learn to hide that thing in shots...
hurrdurr, alkeehol and granny sweaters <-- more of that to come later this evening at Nina's (mother's Italian boyfriend's mother's cousin...wrap your head around that) 8-)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
and now let's move on
...with the topic here. Enough jibber jabber about the pathetic fallacy of infatuation. I should focus on my other, likely more productive, capacities...like torturing my friends with my refined ability to argue =P, and myself with winter-break readings drier than your grandma's cooter. D=
But seriously, it's time to catch up with the parts of life I've been neglecting.
But seriously, it's time to catch up with the parts of life I've been neglecting.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
let's -stay- frank
...shall we?
I'm over you.
My last entry on the matter applied, and you had your time. That time is up, and I've moved on. For good.
They say patience is a virtue, but this would be an exception to that principle. If our half-baked connection held future benefits, there would have been no limit to how much I'd do and how long I would wait for it. I don't regret we happened - make no mistake about it. I just know why we ended; I'm sure we both do, and it's why I never agreed to be your formal girlfriend even when we were at our peak. But I still tried. And the heartache I felt weeks earlier should be sufficient testimony to the emotional investment I've made into our short-lived relationship. However, the better aspect to being human? Resilience.
To all the guys I've dated but never wanted to be a girlfriend to: instead of bitterly ranting to your equally dense buddies, post-dating, about how I've screwed you over, take it up with me. I dare you to confront me and say you had no part in the dissolution of whatever we had. In fact, I dare anyone who has a problem with the way I go about guys and dating to discuss with me personally the why's, how's, and don'ts.
I won't speak for all, even if there's universal truth to it, but to whomever I decide to get involved with in the future: you'll still be able to hurt me. I'd like to believe that whatever we share, even if it doesn't last, will be worth a teardrop or two when it's over. Those who bottle it up are fools. It doesn't make you stronger than I am, and your suppressed demons will eat you alive in the most inopportune time. Go ahead and blast me for indulging in temporary crushes, but I know what I'm doing. Try and stop me ;)
I'm over you.
My last entry on the matter applied, and you had your time. That time is up, and I've moved on. For good.
They say patience is a virtue, but this would be an exception to that principle. If our half-baked connection held future benefits, there would have been no limit to how much I'd do and how long I would wait for it. I don't regret we happened - make no mistake about it. I just know why we ended; I'm sure we both do, and it's why I never agreed to be your formal girlfriend even when we were at our peak. But I still tried. And the heartache I felt weeks earlier should be sufficient testimony to the emotional investment I've made into our short-lived relationship. However, the better aspect to being human? Resilience.
To all the guys I've dated but never wanted to be a girlfriend to: instead of bitterly ranting to your equally dense buddies, post-dating, about how I've screwed you over, take it up with me. I dare you to confront me and say you had no part in the dissolution of whatever we had. In fact, I dare anyone who has a problem with the way I go about guys and dating to discuss with me personally the why's, how's, and don'ts.
I won't speak for all, even if there's universal truth to it, but to whomever I decide to get involved with in the future: you'll still be able to hurt me. I'd like to believe that whatever we share, even if it doesn't last, will be worth a teardrop or two when it's over. Those who bottle it up are fools. It doesn't make you stronger than I am, and your suppressed demons will eat you alive in the most inopportune time. Go ahead and blast me for indulging in temporary crushes, but I know what I'm doing. Try and stop me ;)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
let's be frank here
If I stop for too long, my mind wanders back to the very last person to have made me cry. Though conversation eventually occurred and hostilities were tamed, a whole lot of nothingness followed. Maybe "the talk" wasn't even about making up or making better. Maybe it was merely to soften the blow of a fated reality that neither of us anticipated. Maybe I'm wrong and this is but temporary wait for something spectacular. I don't know. I'm not sure of anything. It's an odd limbo to be in.
I've been keeping myself busy for the past week, finding solace in friends, music, movies, literature, school even. I need to stay busy. Until you come back, or until I'm okay with the possibility you never coming back.
I'm not okay yet, not quite. I will be one day, and the part of us being "so far removed from each other's lives that we won't even remember" will be. But that day hasn't come yet and as much as I shouldn't say it, as masochistic as it seems, I'm still at your mercy. Do as you please while you still can.
Kill me.
I've been keeping myself busy for the past week, finding solace in friends, music, movies, literature, school even. I need to stay busy. Until you come back, or until I'm okay with the possibility you never coming back.
I'm not okay yet, not quite. I will be one day, and the part of us being "so far removed from each other's lives that we won't even remember" will be. But that day hasn't come yet and as much as I shouldn't say it, as masochistic as it seems, I'm still at your mercy. Do as you please while you still can.
Kill me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
turn off the lights and watch you glow
I remember you were sick one night, so our lips never met. But everything else enveloped around each other. Your hair was soft but unkempt, and I marveled at how much better it looks when you leave it alone. You rolled your eyes, your amazing blue eyes. I said they were dreamy. I think you laughed. I said you were beautiful, and you playfully protested that you'd rather be "handsome." You were so much more than "handsome." And you were warm. So warm. I had never felt so much doing so little.
That's the fondest memory I have of us.
--
I wish we weren't so different, so out of each other's league.
That's the fondest memory I have of us.
--
I wish we weren't so different, so out of each other's league.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
on a lighter note
Annie says:
weee
i'm done my assignment (pretty much)
WEEEEE
TIME FOR 90210
WEEEEEEEXPLODE
Amir says:
Internet high five!@!@!#!#!!#!
Annie says:
DOWN LO-
OHHH TOO SLOW!!
weee
i'm done my assignment (pretty much)
WEEEEE
TIME FOR 90210
WEEEEEEEXPLODE
Amir says:
Internet high five!@!@!#!#!!#!
Annie says:
DOWN LO-
OHHH TOO SLOW!!
Monday, November 9, 2009
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me- it's all or none
Y'know what hurt the most, what really scared me? Not the juvenile things you said or how you said them, but that once I decided- however impulsive that decision was- to permanently remove you from my heart, my life ... I couldn't foresee regret in the future.
I know I broke us, when we just barely started. But I couldn't have done it without you, baby.
You don't have to agree... and that's the beauty of it. Any other misunderstandings to come... it won't even matter. With the passing of time, we'll be so far removed from each other's lives that we won't even remember.
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me- it's all or none
Y'know what hurt the most, what really scared me? Not the juvenile things you said or how you said them, but that once I decided- however impulsive that decision was- to permanently remove you from my heart, my life ... I couldn't foresee regret in the future.
I know I broke us, when we just barely started. But I couldn't have done it without you, baby.
You don't have to agree... and that's the beauty of it. Any other misunderstandings to come... it won't even matter. With the passing of time, we'll be so far removed from each other's lives that we won't even remember.
Monday, October 26, 2009
but just a little
There’s a little bit of the day we met
A whole long list of my regrets
There’s a two step dance that never swings
A little bit of you in everything
...
Tell me one thing that’s worth saving
From this nameless generation
Give me one thing that you’ll cherish
You’ll hold onto and keep sacred
Give me one thing
One thing forever more
- The Rentals
Friday, October 23, 2009
World Press Photo of The Year
Here are some past winners that really stood out for me. Click on link for photo and description. In chronological order:
1962 (Uprising in Venezuela): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=157&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1964 (Cyprus Conflict): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=157&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1972 (Vietnam War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=177&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1975 (Fire): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=174&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1978 (Protest against the construction of Tokyo Narita Airport): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=171&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1999 (Kosovo War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=197&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
2003 (Iraq War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=202&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1962 (Uprising in Venezuela): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=157&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1964 (Cyprus Conflict): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=157&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1972 (Vietnam War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=177&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1975 (Fire): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=174&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1978 (Protest against the construction of Tokyo Narita Airport): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=171&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
1999 (Kosovo War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=197&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
2003 (Iraq War): http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=202&Itemid=115&bandwidth=low
Saturday, October 17, 2009
If ever...
... there's an artist who makes for an automatic emotional sedative, it would be Greg Laswell.
And Then You is inexplicably soothing. It tames anger, dries tears, gently winds me down and cradles my heart to sleep. I enjoy all sorts of music, and sure, sometimes the more complex the arrangements in a song, the better. But given the depressive mood, this piece is as it should be- soft and steady melody, echoing lyrics and vocals. Simplistic beauty.
And Then You is inexplicably soothing. It tames anger, dries tears, gently winds me down and cradles my heart to sleep. I enjoy all sorts of music, and sure, sometimes the more complex the arrangements in a song, the better. But given the depressive mood, this piece is as it should be- soft and steady melody, echoing lyrics and vocals. Simplistic beauty.
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